4 Ways of Coping With Adoption Trauma | Musings of a Black Female Adoptee
Even before I was diagnosed with PMDD I knew I had reached a plateau when it came to coping with the trauma I had sustained from my first adoption. As a business woman, wife and mother to three small boys I am a busy lady. While I was very aware of what my triggers where and how to manage them, living life had taken priority of over making sure my healing was moving forward.
Let me reassure you, there is nothing wrong with that. I fully enjoyed the years where I wondered if a baby really can poop more than his weight in a day. I was invigorated by capturing and celebrating the every day lives of my clients. I even enjoyed the challenge of taking a part-time photography side hustle to a full time business. But like I said in my last post (A Twist in the Road), I was fine until I wasn't.
I have found a lot of hurt, anger and confusion inside myself since taking a close look at how I feel about my adoption and the physical, mental and emotional abuse I endured during that time. But I also found I had become a pro at suppressing all of it because I didn't practice honest reflection or healthy lifestyle balance. That being said I thought it may be helpful for others if I shared four tools I use to cope with my traumatic past.
#1 I Started a Journal
When it comes to journaling about trauma of any kind it is creating a safe space for yourself. So the number one rule I have about writing is that I don't have to share it with anyone if I don't want to. I made this rule, because I wanted to do this for myself. Many times I was finding I would hold my thoughts about specific topics and fears inside for the fear I would be judged, but even worse, the people I loved wouldn't understand or try to understand.
In short I didn't let myself vent. This added to the chaos of thoughts I held inside. Once I started writing I was able to organize my thoughts and feelings. This then provided me with a road map to recount my experiences, which helped me accept the truth of what had happened to me. For the first time I had ownership in my own story. That was powerful for me and gives me a lot of peace.
#2 Find Your Tribe if it Means Forming it Yourself
Ok, so I realized I was suppressing my emotions. Now I had to ask myself why. Answering that question was hard. But what it came down to is that I felt like no one could relate. Speaking to family about these things in their entirety didn't feel like a safe option for me. So I tried looking for support groups in my area. When I started to asking around I realized there were other adult adoptees in my local area that were living in the same silence. This is way really drove me to start writing The Daily Adoptee. It was an identifier and I wanted others to see that we had a commonality. Since starting writing under the pen name Circa Adopted 86 I have been inspired to start an initiative to make sure adoptee voices have spaces dedicated to them.
My search also brought me to the Transracial Adoptee group on Facebook. One of the major theme's I found when trying to find an adoptee tribe is there are very few adoptee voices of color included in the narrative. Even fewer of those voices are African American. This is where I found people like me and because our voices and experiences were the privileged voice, I felt more at ease sharing my experiences. By reading others' experiences made me understand my own better and make me feel less alone.
#3 See a Therapist that Specializes in Trauma an/or Adoption Trauma
Back when I was in high school I had a great school counselor. Great in the fact he recognized that even as a high performing student I had a traumatic home life that was making me unhealthy. At least once or twice a month I was in his office not only to see the school nurse to get a weight check (more on that in later post), but also for me to voice what I was dealing with and giving me coping tools to use. This made me realized it was important to surround myself with people who could help me keep perspective about the fact I was abused I would deal with the implications of that trauma for the rest of my life.
For those with trauma though, don't just see any therapist. If you have past trauma that you haven't dealt with, seeing a therapist that specializes in trauma is preferable. If you are coping with adoption trauma see a professional that has experience in adoption. Yes, they do exist! If you live in MN I found Lyn-Lake Psychotherapy & Wellness (Twin Cities) that I have on my list for any future therapy needs.
Click HERE for a list of adoption trauma therapists you should know collected by @Jessica Arias of I Am Adopted.
#4 Changing My Lifestyle & Practicing Trauma-Focused Yoga
This is a physical activity that was introduced to me within the last month or so and I am extremely excited to explore it more! As I mentioned in last week's post my diagnosis of PMDD has both biological and environmental significance. When I learned this I knew I needed to make a pretty significant lifestyle changes starting with my diet. In doing research about this I started reading about the benefits of trauma-focused yoga. I mention it to my hubs and he immediately signed me up for a beginners yoga class at Sun Moon Yoga
When my yoga instructor asked why I wanted to start practicing yoga I mention I read about the benefits for people who have suffered trauma. She then explained the different ways the body can hold both physical and mental traumas and there are different poses that help release that trauma. She gave me some more info that I could use to find books or YouTube videos that would help me. From there I found Nityda Gessel of Trauma-Conscious Yoga and I have been devouring her videos and Instagram content and putting it to action creating a new lifestyle for me
So these are my five ways I have been using to cope with my trauma. I know these aren't the only methods to cope with trauma. Please comment below with the methods you have found to work for you!
